Ugh, the dreaded school phone call. Your child’s teacher calls again to let you know that he or she was disruptive during the school day. Their behavior is frustrating not only at home, but also at school. Regardless of what you do, your child is still acting out. What is happening? How can I help? Children go through developmental stages of misbehavior and struggle with independence, but how can you help them?
Continue reading to learn about research-backed techniques for helping your child and family.
Understanding The Roots
During major transitions, all children will push their limits and require additional assistance. When my children returned to school in the autumn, my spouse and I reminded ourselves that they would be exhausted, stressed, anxious, hungry, and so on. We needed to prepare for some strong emotions and help establish a soft landing spot at home with some things to look forward to.
There are no “good kids” or “bad kids.” We are all doing our best with the skills we have. We all make mistakes, especially when sleepy, hungry, or anxious. To keep your child healthy, first rule out such elements and then establish eating and sleeping patterns. If your family is experiencing stressors (such as health concerns, a move, or other substantial changes), do everything you can to help your child cope. Remind them that the adults are doing everything they can to keep everyone safe, and that they will be OK.
Neurodiversity can occasionally make it difficult for a child to conform to societal standards. Russell Barkley believes that children, particularly those with ADHD, might benefit from developing self-regulation abilities. If your kid has a handicap of any type, consult with their care professionals to see whether their behaviors are related and how to best support them.
Teach the skills.
Sometimes we assume our children should know what to do in a given situation, but we never tell them. It could be helpful to plan ahead and prepare our children for our expectations. We might tell a preschooler, “Your friend is coming over to play.” It will be enjoyable to play with them when they visit. Are there any toys that are too special to share and should be kept? When your friend wants to play with your other toys, you can say ‘Okay!’.” Older children may require a little conversation to understand your expectations: “Please turn off your phone while we’re at Grandma’s today.” She wants to spend time with us and will be offended if we check our phones.
Look for the good.
Lindsay Gerber, PsyD, argues that praising what you admire while being descriptive and truthful might assist your child understand what you are encouraging. You might tell a youngster, “You are being honest with me, which I admire. Let’s discuss about altering the time I asked you to be home.” A younger child feels recognized when you say, “You came right over when I called you from the playground. “Thank you!” Spending time together might also make your youngster feel more connected and inclined to collaborate with you rather than against you. When one of my children faced a difficult situation, I awoke ten minutes earlier to begin our day with snuggles and make her feel cherished.
Consistent Expectations
If your child is struggling at school, it may be beneficial to meet with their instructors. Families and instructors can collaborate to identify the top few skills to focus on jointly. Using comparable language and tactics can be beneficial. Educators have valuable ideas on what is usual and how to encourage more positive choices. If co-parenting is a barrier to consistency, explain to your child that the regulations at your home differ from those at their other parent’s home. Setting boundaries will be useful. Professionals (pediatricians, educators, and counselors) can assist you in setting appropriate age limitations. Routines may also help to avoid conflict. If siblings know they take turns deciding which game to play, that may cut down on arguments, for example.
